TRIGGER WARNING
i am spiraling and at a very rapid pace. i havent had an episode like this in a very long time. i usually refer to them as suicidal episodes but i am working extremely hard not to get to that low rn.
the worst part is i cant talk to anyone i trust/love about this (which I extremely need to do because i honestly can’t handle this on my own rn) because not a single person i know can/wants to/is willing to put in the effort to be with me on new years eve; ½ of my most suicidal points of the year which is that and my birthday. So if i was to vent to them i would be unintentionally guilting them the whole time over them and everyone else not caring how alone i am and it’s not like it would change their plans or anything anyways
i dont know what to do. all i know is im not okay. i cant do this. i cant stay here. i cant do this.
i even tried to reach out about my sadness via twitter and you know who was the ONLY person to have any response to it at all? a porn-run account solely interested in offering me a job.
i understand no one is obligated to spend this time with me. my heart just feels broken.
